Icky Goo

This past Tuesday I was in an accident. Today I got an accident report that had a lot of innaccuracies in it, but I don't know that fixing any of them would do anything. Thankfully, I'm alright, but I'm stuck in that icky goo of emotion.

It's one of those things where I did what seemed reasonable at the time, but the laws of the state may still consider me wrong. Obviously, I don't want my insurance rates to go up, and I am really sick of how bad my car looks, though I am thankful it still works well enough.

So, it seems to me there should be a way where I could just accept this crappy thing happened, get over it, and stop feeling the same stupid emotions over and over again. But no, this stuff hits again, and of course I have nothing I can do to change the past, so it's argue myself out of the emotion, but don't avoid it, because then suddenly I'm constantly saying I'm tired and I end up getting very tired too if I am not careful. Apparently, it was more appropriate to be tired when I was growing up than it was to have an emotion.

Of course, as you may notice, I still am quite ambivalent about emotion, indeed I've noticed when I argue something there are times when I think that I might upset someone, but I always feel the point I'm trying to get across is more important than the feeling, especially since I'll self-edit until I'm blue in the face. Obviously I'm dealing with bad emotions right now, but I remember the good emotions I had in certain past relationships; now I consider those emotions to be what helped blind me to serious problems with the relationships in the first place.

It's annoying, but I do think it's a bit of exercise too. It's no good running around trying to avoid it; I have to deal with the emotion when it comes up, and perhaps I'll get stronger in this area. It's just not immediately apparent what the pay-off is: with real excercise, I can get 17in biceps or some other equally obvious increase in size, power, or endurance. What's the analog with emotion?