Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Dynamic Duo

The ominous agenda, which includes all the wrong sorts of things, also includes some comic relief:

Obama and Biden will secure all loose nuclear materials in the world within four years.

Wow, they must be like Batman and Rabid- oh wait, I mean Robin.

Obama and Biden will always maintain a strong deterrent as long as nuclear weapons exist.

They will also maintain a strong deodorant. If other nations threaten to use nuclear weapons they will immediately stop applying it. We won't actually need a nuclear stockpile because we can cow other countries with deodorantless Vice-presidential visit.

Obama and Biden will make progress on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict a key diplomatic priority from day one.

Wasn't day one yesterday? I must have missed all the peace breaking out.

President Obama and Vice President Biden will provide job training, substance abuse and mental health counseling to ex-offenders, so that they are successfully re-integrated into society.

Wow, is there nothing these men don't know how to do? When will they sleep? How will the mentally ill get through security?

President Obama and Vice President Biden will inspire a new generation of Americans to serve their country, whether it be in local communities in such roles as teachers or first responders, or serving in the military to keep our nation free and safe.

Ah ha, the secret superpower of inspiration. Clearly, normal rules, like living an exemplary life or perhaps knowing (maybe even speaking) the truth don't apply to these superheroes. They will inspire you and you will become part of the volksgemienschaft whether you are currently a happy little Obama supporter or not.
Or else!

Finally, we have proof that Obama can travel into the past in order to solve all sorts of tragedies:

President Obama swiftly responded to Hurricane Katrina.

Clearly the fact that I remember he wasn't President and that he didn't do anything that actually helped anyone is irrelevant. He has done so now. Nice how that works.

Anyway, there are many more sentences to take out of context in this agenda, but my heart grows weary with such long exposure.

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