Please Exit The Handbasket

If you find yourself in a handbasket, I highly recommend leaving the handbasket at once. I'm not saying your particular handbasket is actually going to hell, but if your handbasket is of the size capable of carrying you, your children, or the entire world, why take the chance? Indeed, if you know of any ridiculously large handbaskets, burn them at once (after having made sure no one is in them, of course), and only use larger varieties of baskets that have no handle and therefore tend to be headed in less nefarious directions. The laundry basket, for instance, tends to be headed in the direction of the laundry, and is subsequently considered to be relatively safe, except for the occasional bleaching accident, or those times when everything comes out pink- mortifying, but not eternally so.