I try really hard not to get mad at God.
I also try pretty hard not to get mad at myself.
So, let's pretend this is a learning experience:
I have learned that praying elicits in me a passivity.
Events subsequent to this passivity cause me to berate myself.
And, of course, it can get worse, especially if I find myself up in the middle of the night with this nonsense.
In the middle of the night, it is perfectly obvious you need to go to sleep, to have a smattering of a chance to not screw up whatever the hell it is you are going to do during the day.
I sympathize, immensely, with Nietzsche, though I'd prefer to hang on to some shred of Christianity, some idea that what he was seeing was already poisoned with the saccharine cancer that went terminal with modern Christian music.
But this is really pissing me off.
Because I can see this is everywhere. A lot of passivity, assuming God will make things okay. From sheer lunacy, like the Pope thinking Europe can take all those Muslims in, to mundane every day lunacies, some of which are my own.
Can this passivity be from God? It doesn't make any sense, especially when it costs me. If there would be a place were Christianity could flourish again, it would be through me, and through a precious few. So watching assets being leaked into the moral vacuum of modernity- well, it looks like we are funding the leviathan here, not Christendom.