Every so often I have the urge to apologize, especially if it's someone I like and she seems to be upset with me in some way. Unfortunately, it was made extremely clear to me near the end of my marriage that this approach is not necessarily the right one. My ex was just using therapy as a way to annoy me, but I did learn something from it- I put up with way too much and tried to fix stuff that wasn't mine to fix.
See, it's just easier if the problem is me, so wherever possible I assumed it was. I can work on me. I think this is a guy thing. Supposedly, we want to fix problems, so it is helpful if it is either something we know how to fix or something in our immediate control, like ourselves.
Another thing I learned was pretty pointless was trying to defend against conclusions that someone else leapt to- actually I am not even sure if that actually happened or not because I don't ask; I just see that look. Sometimes it even seems comical to me. Of course, if it begins to dawn on me that perhaps these leapt to conclusions are making life less awesome than it otherwise would be- well then I am sad.
So, I have not yet come to a good understanding of this issue. I know I went too far in one direction before, and now I may very likely go too far in the other direction.
I am also a bit of a fish out of water- even just today I noticed I look way better than I feel. How does that translate when I act?
No comments:
Post a Comment