I am trying to fight being cynical.
I realized a while back that I had basically lost my faith. This is a scary place to be as a Christian. It is all there in the bible- have faith- the implication being if you don't have it, God can't do much with you. But with faith you can move mountains.

We move mountains with dynamite and heavy machinery.

But I unraveled the line a bit, and figured out I had done quite a few things out of cynicism. You can't move a mountain if you don't even bother. I think I'd still like to bring the dynamite along though.

I want God to move in my life. I need healing and help with various things, but it isn't about such things per se. I want God to be real. It seems to me the only surefire way to know He is real is if He shows up. Especially if He shows up in power.

This is where fighting cynicism comes in. I think of those dwarves in the last book of Narnia insisting paradise didn't exist. I don't want to do that. On the other hand, I don't want to waste time on unfruitful endeavors either.

I must stop thinking so much and try to cultivate the moment.