Apocryphal Birth Control: And The New Birth Control Of Misdirection!

Texas Arcane just introduced me to the Book of Jasher. I was intrigued, so I started reading a bit. From chapter two:

For in those days the sons of men began to trespass against God, and to transgress the commandments which he had commanded to Adam, to be fruitful and multiply in the earth.
And some of the sons of men caused their wives to drink a draught that would render them barren, in order that they might retain their figures and whereby their beautiful appearance might not fade.
And when the sons of men caused some of their wives to drink, Zillah drank with them.
And the child-bearing women appeared abominable in the sight of their husbands as widows, whilst their husbands lived, for to the barren ones only they were attached.

Sounds a lot like they invented birth control, doesn't it? This is set before the flood.

I ended up in a lot of trouble when I read the bible. I started in Genesis and read a chapter a day. When I was done I came away with an understanding that, for the most part, God is ineffable, and that most of my contemporaries don't know what God wants. I also noticed that there is one thing God very clearly wants- for us to be fruitful and multiply in the Earth. There are, of course, conditions under which God wishes children to be born, which is why I don't have any children. Achieving these conditions is difficult, and may necessitate actions the majority of Christians would object to, being as they are so compromised with their own version of feminism.

If I have any sort of counsel for young men it would be to suggest they should perhaps be more selfish than I was. The exhortations to charity make sense in a normal age, but this is no normal age, your fathers have no place for you in their strange little egalitarian regime. They shall pour you out to their little progressive gods that they've hidden under the mantle of Christ, like how they hide utopia under the Kingdom. You can go out and convert people at great cost to yourself, and then watch as they slowly realize their world is exactly the same and all other things being equal, they probably ought to go back to their baby momma and shack up with her, because at least she's got a job, and ain't nobody hiring no men much less a felon anyway...

But I digress into a sentiment with the appearance of grim reality. How silly of me! Let's talk about the attractive improbability of a pre-flood civilization technologically advanced enough to provide all their women with universal birth control. See, there, it's all better now. I know, for a second there, you thought maybe you might have to either wrest control or make something new, so that anyone wanting to be Christian, or even just human, might have a way to live as we should rather than constantly being compromised.