The Caretaker Conundrum

I started parenting when I was ten or so. I didn't do a very good job at it, but I thought I had to do it. I saw that something was missing and I struggled about trying to fulfill that need. It wasn't very fun, and my parents really didn't like it, so there must have been a pretty strong need; I paid for it almost every time.

Well, that same parenting behavior has come to form the basis for relationships too. I didn't even see it coming. I started out thinking I am having a relationship with an equal, I ended up having a relationship with someone who needs serious help. So I became a caretaker, because I was already in the relationship; it seemed like the loving thing to do.

It got bad. Every time. The eventual break up is always bad, but what's terrible is watching people you love do self-destructive things and then act as if you shouldn't be upset. I did what I could, but I know now I couldn't do that much.

So, the conundrum part is how to have a relationship with someone who doesn't need a caretaker.
It's like learning a new dance. I'm a bit unsteady because I am not used to it, and I still am not sure what songs go with the new dance. Maybe that's taking the dance analogy too far, but that's where I'm at right now.