Relationships in the Post-Hedonist World

It's very easy to forget sometimes that we are not just like everybody else. Especially for those of us who've left the Christian path for any length of time. We end up in relationships that are founded on lies and sin, and when we come back it is hard to understand that our new relationships should not be like the old ones. It is, in fact, a clue that something is terribly wrong if our relationships are like our old ones.

We, of course, must repent, and remember that no matter how terrible our former intimates where with us, we have responsibility for our own sin. So we have to fight the temptation to paint the opposite sex with a broad brush, and realize that our greatest pain came from our disobedience to God, not from the other person. This forms the first clue we can have about ourselves and others to see if we can handle a true relationship; is he or she testing you? Or are you doing some testing?

All of us fall into sin at times, but there is a real state of grace. As we become established in Christ and begin to habituate ourselves to the living, we achieve a new equilibrium. So when looking for a spouse, don't ignore information that indicates a lack of equilibrium.
Obvious sin, an inordinate desire for attention, or that simple feeling that he or she is trying to prove something, can give you the clues you need.

To be clear, this is observation, not testing.

These clues can help us to what we all need to do; soften our hearts and loosen our necks. We must allow ourselves to be vulnerable again. Much of what we think we know about relationships are pure lies because we weren't learning about relationships, we were learning about sin. We weren't learning how to love; we were learning how to manipulate.